Making Choices

You make decisions every single day. And most of the time, those decisions impact you and you alone.

But then, one day, you become a mother and your decisions have consequences for someone else. It’s a strange place to be in – and frankly one I don’t like. Sample decisions Dave and I have made for Vivianne:

1. We’ve chosen surgery. We head in next Monday (at the bright time of 6am!) to get prepped for surgery. The surgery will include ear tubes in both sides plus a frenectomy (snipping of the gums between the two front teeth that are causing a gap). I can’t promise that either one is the right decision, but I can promise that I’ve done my homework, weighed the pros and cons, worked with my husband, and came to a decision. I feel like the 15 yr. old girl who realizes mom and dad had the opportunity to take away the tooth gap and did nothing is much scarier than the 15 yr. old girl who wishes she had a tooth gap. I’ll take the odds, but a cosmetic procedure under one yrs. old came with some serious discussion and research. And it still is unnerving.
2. We’ve chosen daycare. Not a nanny. Not an au pair. Not staying at home. Daycare. Good old fashioned, always-sick, kids-pull-your-hair, sometimes-just-daily-routines-and-no-love daycare. She has hand, foot, and mouth virus now. On top of #1, sometimes daycare feels like the wrong choice. But I continue to choose it for the good things it gives her.
3. I’ve chosen to travel for work. Dave does such amazing daddy work during the week. Seriously – an angel. And I constantly tell myself the relationship they are building is priceless in the long run. With that said, Vivianne is getting to an age where she knows when mommy is gone (I mean EARLY stages where she is starting to pick it up – I hear it only gets harder from here). My time on the weekends with her has become so precious. I struggle to share her. I struggle to know this gets harder.
4. We’ve chosen a one-bedroom condo. The proximity! The lack of toys… She has one basket of toys, a ball pit, and a jumper. It still feels like a ton to me, but I know it’s not near the selection of most kids.
5. I’ve chosen the ABCs. Mainly because it’s the only kid’s song I really know. At least she’ll know her ABCs (we hope).
6. We’ve chosen fall swimming lessons. Too spendy for my comfort, but I want her to love the water so I took the plunge (the puns are terrific in this blog post!).
7. We choose her daily routine – what to eat for dinner, what book to read for bed, when to change her diaper.

What weighs on my mind more is the things I have NOT choose… such as:

• We haven’t chosen to teach Vivianne another language.
• We haven’t taught Vivianne about arts & dance & music as much as I would like (she sure knows her hockey!)
• We haven’t formalized a bedtime routine to provide comfort. I haven’t even chosen a consistent bedtime yet.
• Vivianne has never been in a swing – because we haven’t chosen to go to a park with her.

My point is this. We make decisions on where to spend our time and where not to spend our time on a daily basis. And not all of those decisions are right. Or good. Or the best for Vivianne. But I just got this hat called “mom” 10 months ago and I’m still figuring it out (spoiler alert: I will always be figuring it out).

We’ll continue to make the best decisions for her until she’s able to make her own decisions. I cannot wait for that day. I think she’ll do a better job than we do, unless she is a toddler who demands maple syrup on her chicken. Or she chooses against science. Then I’ll take over on the decision making once again. And maybe sometimes I’ll choose ice cream for dinner.