Moments of Clarity

In my adult life, I’ve had a few moments of clarity, where it feels like a curtain has been pulled back to reveal another layer of existence I hadn’t seen before.

The first time I had this feeling was on July 6, 2016 when Philando Castile was shot and killed for reaching for his wallet. I knew my home-state had challenges with racial divides yet my privilege had kept me from really “feeling” those challenges… until that night.

The second time I had this feeling was Nov 8, 2016. There are many studies and articles about why we promote and reward incompetent men over competent women. I knew misogyny exists. I am living it. However, I didn’t realize the extent of it… until that night.

And here’s the thing — the hits just kept coming. What an amazingly awful four years. I have been forced to learn more about my friends, my state, and this world. I’ve been forced to stay vigilant. I have always felt some oppression, not a lot. But now it feels heavy and at times, it can freeze me completely.

We, the human race, are still infants. We have so much evolving to still do. That can either be exciting or terrifying depending on the day. On Nov 8th, 2016, Election Day and also my daughters first birthday, it was exciting and hopeful. Today, Election Day 2020, I’m anxious and scared. Even if Biden wins, it shouldn’t have been this hard. Even if Biden wins, the set backs will take years if not decades to fix. I am not cheering for ‘a win’… I’m hanging on by a thread hoping the first-tier nightmare can end so we can start working through the aftershocks.

So anyway, I’m probably not the fun Election Day company you want. I’ll be randomly hugging my husband a lot and trying to just get to the other side. If you are where I am, find a person to hug and take care of yourself in the coming days.

And it should go without saying but — vote.

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